I arrived in Malaysia a few days before the March 2020 lockdown was announced. As Qatar was ahead in their safety measures to control the spread of Covid-19, I had a head start when I arrived home. I immediately decided to self-isolate as I was living with my elderly parents. I purchased a deep freezer, stocked up on food and provisions and stopped all outside contact. I was not taking the risk of leaving home with parents who already had Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) issues. When lockdown was announced, I was somewhat prepared as I had enough to sustain us for about two weeks. 

My lockdown experience was harrowing. With no help around the house, it was just days before things started becoming a nightmare. I tried to stick to a regular routine, wanting to make it as comfortable and normal as possible for my parents. But waking up at night to see to dad’s ‘after-midnight’ antics, sourcing for food supplies, preparing meals, cleaning, doing the laundry, washing bathrooms and sanitizing the apartment, in addition to attending to daddy’s increasing needs didn’t take long to catch up on me.

Additionally, it quickly dawned on me how pampered my parents were… which was exactly what I initially set out to do by hiring a full-time helper, a daily carer plus a weekly cleaner, so the fault is all mine. But in doing so, I made them completely dependent on others for everyday living. 

Although dad in his condition needed some guidance, simple things like filling up a glass of water, pushing his chair in or switching the lights on were all done by someone else. My mother, who is of sane mind, did not know how to operate the washing machine or the wonky rice cooker. She asked me where the pots and pans were kept in the kitchen, where the hand towels were and expected wastepaper baskets to magically empty themselves out. 

Long story short, I found myself having to do everything. Burning the candle on both ends quickly made things unbearable for both myself and my parents (as I started taking my frustrations out on them). To take a load off me and to make my parents more independent, here’s what I did:

1. Gave dad the responsibility of putting his books back where they belonged, fill his glass up with water when it was empty, hang his towel up after his shower, fold his blanket and best of all, I imposed a RM5 fine every time he carelessly spilled food on the floor… which has worked like a dream!
2. Dumped most of the cooking duties on mom in an attempt to reduce my workload and to give her some purpose – not sure if the latter intention worked.
3. Gave mom the responsibility of washing, drying and folding her own clothes after I showed her how to operate the washing machine. I also asked her to wash up the dishes she used for herself while I took care of the rest.
4. I also delegated other small tasks such as: setting the table during mealtimes; giving them both the responsibility of ensuring that doors are locked, lights are switched off when not used, chairs are pushed in, etc.

Additionally, I also:

1. Amped up dad’s exercise routine to include balancing activities, Dementia care activities and increased frequency of exercise
2. Got him to help me dry out his clothes
3. Actively engaged him in card games every evening
4. Got him to spend more time outdoors in the sun
5. Made him dabble in some gardening
6. Switched the TV channels to more educational shows such as Animal Planet and Nat Geo Wild

Note: I talk about dad’s routine in a bit more detail in another blog titled Fostering Independence and Responsibility

Empowering and enabling seniors to be independent for as long as they physically can is important because it helps improve their self-sufficiency, cognition and self-importance. Things like cooking, gardening, washing the dishes and making the bed are simple ways to get them moving, and to instil self-worth and importance. By all means, spoil your parents because they deserve nothing less, but don’t make the mistake of inadvertently hampering their independence.