You know when you accompany your parent for his or her doctor visit and the doctor only speaks to you? Or when you go to a restaurant and your loved elder is invisible to the waiter who is taking orders? Yeah… I’ve experienced this over and over again. It’s generally ok, but it is also annoying because the failure here is to treat the senior person as a person. Worse, it takes away their sense of self.

Trying to engage seniors by asking them what their medical complaint is or what they would like to have for lunch, for example, gives them importance because they feel noticed and valued. If they say something irrelevant, practice patience. In all likelihood, there is a carer around to address the actual medical complaint or to make an appropriate meal choice for them. What’s critical here is acknowledging them as a person who has likes and wants, thus giving them importance and a sense of self.

It is easier, faster and more effective if I listen or speak on dad’s behalf – I get that. So when people take the time and trouble to call him just to wish him a happy birthday or for Father’s Day, or even if they spare a few moments to engage him in conversation, it means a lot – both to him, and to me.

More than what it means for us, it is important to treat people with Dementia with as much normalcy as possible. This entails repeating the same things in a conversation, entertaining questions which seem ridiculous and generally being attentive and asking after them.

I can understand how this can seem uncomfortable for a lot of people, not to mention massively troublesome. Its time-consuming to speak slowly when there’s a long patient wait, and it is embarrassing to introduce your wife for the fourth time or explain again that you have two kids. It can be uncomfortable when a person whom you’ve known for 15 years can’t remember you, but know this: Each experience is a new one for a person with Dementia.

You may be a familiar face them, and he or she may be very comfortable being around you, but past details about you are sometimes lost. So please, do indulge them, satisfy their curiosity while they are still able to ask you questions and if all else fails, just think of how you would speak to a curious child.

Friends and strangers alike who have who take the time to indulge daddy, bless you! There’s a special place in Heaven for you.